I just watched an old couple get into their car and set off the alarm and then try to turn it off for like ten minutes before giving up and driving away with the alarm still going off
now that i think about it maybe i just watched an old couple steal a car
I love how tumblr goes through shitloads of different obsessions and they’re the only thing people reblog or post about, but when it all dies down, harry potter is still there
We treat mishaps like sinking ships, and I know I don’t want to be out to drift. Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips, and they both tell me that we’re better than this.
I am so sorry. I am so sorry.
I’m crying damn it will you never leave?
I miss the sound of your voice - the loudest thing in my head - and I ache to remember all the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said.
You’re still in my iTunes. “You will be okay.”
So is your sister and brother. They were so cute, you know. I miss them. I miss them almost as much as I miss you.
6AM, day after Christmas: I throw some clothes on in the dark. The smell of cold; car seat is freezing. The world is sleeping… I am, numb.
It’s been a year and two months since we’ve last spoken. I miss you. God. I miss you. I didn’t think six months could amount to this. To me sitting here ardently wishing I could take back all that I did and said to you.
I am so sorry.
Fuck. I am so sorry. It’s so stupid, isn’t it? I guess it’s irrelevant whether you think of me or not. It’s irrelevant whether you even remember any of it. Whether you want to or not.
Put down your world, just for one night (please)
pick me again
You said I was heaven. Why don’t you tell me how hard the impact was when I fell from your grace? Because hey, I know I fell hard. It was so painful, I didn’t think I’d get up again. I was so sure that was it for me. Eighteen years old with no dreams or aspirations. No desire to find someone who could remind me that the world out there is still beautiful.
Oh these times are hard, yeah they’re making us crazy,
don’t give up on me baby…
I don’t know where I go from here. I’m scared to tell him these things. He feels threatened by you, you know. I tell him I don’t see how he could be - whenever I think about you, all it brings me is grief, and all he brings me is happiness.
There’s no contest, really.
But I just.. want to hear your voice.. one more time.
is that too much to ask?
I still don’t know
how to hold others’ emotions without harming them.
how to fix the psychological damage dealt by my hand,
what to say when they’re
cradling the bloody mess that used to be
their love, their happiness, their hope
in their hands, staring at me bitterly.
I want words at my funeral. I want people to talk, to speak, to make sound.
I don’t want silences and loneliness, desolation and brittleness, fragile tears.
I want anger. Grief. Passion. Happiness, above all. Joy. Fond nostalgia.
I don’t want them turning me into something I wasn’t. I was just a boy.
But I was someone, even if I didn’t count for much in the eyes of the world.
The days stagger on, and my longing for you takes my breath away.
I’ve never felt such a strong yearning before, and I know that.
It’s been a brief life so far, small years, but the feeling is undeniable.
Kind of like the moment after you open your eyes for the first time
In the midst of a brand-new day. A brief confusion, off-kilter
I miss you. I miss you. I miss the nights, the talking, the silences
The way your laugh would hold me in much the same way your eyes did.
I miss the days, the rhythms of our routine, the silent winding
As we learned how to dance around each other through the weeks
Finding our own measure of peace in the moments we shared.
You breathed for the first time in my mind, a small inhalation
You breathed, for the first time… And the words poured out.
I miss you. It feels like it’s just me bringing on the agony.
It’s almost ridiculous how much power one person can have,
Whether or not they want to - leaving marks, like charcoal
Would you look up and see me, as I am, before you turn and walk away?
Look at me. Turn and face me just once. I’m leaving you by staying behind.
And you turn the dial towards the right as I drive you home, breathing in as heat fills the car.
I thought you were beautiful sitting there, as I gripped the steering wheel with fingers gone dead.
So beautiful, so beautiful, it was like a mantra I repeated over and over in my head, so beautiful.
Is this what life is, the little moments? Is this what we need to take heed of, while we’re still here?
I don’t know, I’ll never know for sure. I wish I did know the answers, sometimes. For a short while.
The curve of your neck as you stared out the window underscored your vulnerability in bold lines
And I wanted to turn away from it, ignore it, pretend it never existed, hide my knowledge of it
So I wouldn’t feel the urge to break it down, transform it, and in the process, destroy it.
I don’t know where I’ll be buried, all those years from now. Not long to go.
I don’t know what they’ll say about me, I don’t know what songs they’ll sing.
I don’t even know if I’ll be nothing but a handful of gray in the end, muted color
To be scattered to the four winds at some secluded location, isolated from everything
I can’t let the wondering get to me. It seems almost morbid. But we all think about it.
It’s interesting to watch someone find their own way, unused to the sudden emptiness.
It makes me wonder what I look like, to outside eyes. How many times have I stumbled?
Tick, tock - the clock races you as you spin across the floor, curtains blocking out the light
Will you let me rest here, just for a while? Regain my senses, get my bearings for a final time
It’s something people have to adjust to. Ask anyone, and they’d tell you the same.
It doesn’t change. I thought I could let you go, I really did. I thought I could walk away from this.
You didn’t think I would. You thought I was someone better, you thought I was something I wasn’t.
All I wanted to do was run, like I’ve done countless times before. I just wanted to shut down.
I can’t do that. Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I withdraw like usual? What makes you so different?
I press down and the blinker turns on, and you make a small noise as I turn the wheel sharply.
Then we are parked on the street next to your house, and you are still staring out the window.
I turn off the ignition and wait for the engine to cool, counting down. Still you don’t get out.
I reach over you, cursing myself when my jacketed arm brushes against yours, and open the door.
The cold air rushes in, and you turn towards me with a question lit up in your eyes. ”Paul?”
“Get out,” I whisper. ”It feels as if I’m taking all of your air, sitting here in the same space as you.”
You step outside, close the door, and walk around the front of the car to stand in front of my window.
I roll it down, staring straight ahead. ”Thanks for the ride,” you say, your breath misting over me.
There are so many words left unsaid, hovering around us like drops of moisture on the night air.
I can’t seem to get the words out. You know I’m depressed, you can see me slipping further away.
But I can’t bring myself to care, see? You are light. You’re going to amount to somebody, someday.
Who am I? Just some guy you let into your life, for a while. Someone who loved you, for a while.
And as I watch you walk away, I think of all your flaws and faults. I think, how beautiful.
Then I turn the key and watch my dashboard flicker to life. It blurs suddenly with tears.
What kind of man cries like that when he watches his ex walk away? Tell me, what kind of.
I miss you even when you’re right next to me. I miss you, I miss you walking away from me.
Come back, my mind whispers. Come back to me, let me show you who I am, give me a second chance
But you don’t, and I won’t, so I just put the car in drive and leave your neighborhood for the final time.
The Christmas lights are on, but I can’t enjoy them. I just stare hard at the road and try not to think.
Not like it works, not like it ever works out like that. But you can try, you know? You can try to make it
Another day of turning the minutes into hours. Another night of counting the seconds until first light.
And I try to not think of funerals. Just in case.
I’ll drive the message home, baby
Crossing out the words I never should have said
Dripping golden ink down the page
As I try to rewrite our twisted history.
Here I am, under your wake
With you buzzing under my skin
Just let me sink all of this
‘Til I’m left with nothing again.
Now the truth is out, dear,
Rendered in black, white, and grey
This is the point where I gave up,
And you decided you couldn’t stay.
Melancholy breathes through you.
She finds you there, lying on your side.
You don’t care when she climbs in beside you.
You don’t respond to her questions.
So she runs her fingertips up your arms,
And you shiver, mind stumbling to a halt.
But wasn’t that her plan all along?
She smiles, and you feel it in the darkness.
It’s as warm as her body pressed against your back.
You stare upwards, trying to remember how to breathe.
She holds her breath, then you feel her hands on your shoulder.
You resist, but she pulls anyway. You turn, refusing to meet her eyes.
She strokes your cheek until you open your eyes, and she smiles at you.
You smile back reflexively, counting out the breaths in your mind.
She pulls you close as the smile falls and the tears come.
She doesn’t let you apologize.
It’s morning when you give yourself over to peace.
Even then, she doesn’t leave your bed.
It’s a beautiful morning.
Frost spidering up the side of my car,
Turning to mist as it hits the cooling hood,
Breaking the window into opaque sections
Making it hard to see.
The passenger seat is still warm,
The imprint of your fingertips against the glass
Leave water trails that disappear into the edge of the door.
You’re several feet in front of me by now,
And I watch you go through the windshield.
The car refuses to start.
I sit back, pretending nonchalance.
You barely break your stride.
Guess I should have known
This is how our ending will play out.
Me at a dead standstill while you make your break.
Dead standstill. Dead.
Now it occurs to me, now it actually clicks.
You’re leaving. You’re leaving me.
And you’re not coming back.
I turn the key again, exhaling when the motor turns
Turn and stutters and stops again,
Leaving me here in this damned dead car
Watching your back as you leave me
Breathing in as the cold finally, finally hits.
hey I just met you
and this is crazy
but you just referenced TV Tropes
And I thought that was a Crowning Moment of Awesome, so let’s have a quick Falling In Love Montage, consider this my Wacky Marriage Proposal
I have a “Tags” page now.
My tagging system is currently incomplete… But I’m working on it!
Just thought I’d let you guys know…